So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
