I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
