College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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