Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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