I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
