I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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