I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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