Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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