dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
