I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
