drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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