Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
