I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
one might say we're banned from that church
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
