Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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