Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
