yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
