We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
