yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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