i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize