I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
