I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
