i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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