I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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