If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
