You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
