I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
