If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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