On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
