so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
i think my cat just said my name.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
