i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just got carded by a ten year old.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
