Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
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I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
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I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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