your parents love me but you hate me
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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