i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
