why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize