Your mouth is God's brothel.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
