I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
