i don't like sucking hair
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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