if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
