i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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