11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
