my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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