Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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