Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
