i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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