idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
