Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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