Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
