I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
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