belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
