If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
