Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
