I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
