You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
