I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
