What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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