Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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