I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.