hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
