my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
whose ass print is on the piano?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
