i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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