The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
