I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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