Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he was CRYING into my vagina
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
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